The world has told so many lies in regards to Christian wives, mothers, and homemakers. Those lies have now become the common beliefs among many. One of the common myths about the Christian homemaker is that she’s a slave to her husband. Here’s why I think that’s completely false.
This is part three in a series I’ve titled “Five Common Myths About the Christian Homemaker.” In part one, I explained why the myth that the homemaker’s job isn’t important is completely false. And in part two, I explained why the myth that the homemaker is lazy is completely false.
In this one, part three, I’m going to talk about the myth that the homemaker is a slave to her husband. This honestly might be the most common myth. Especially because it’s a myth surrounding all Christian women, not just the Christian homemaker.
our freedoms have ruined our view of submission
Most of the world knows that the Christian wife is to submit to her husband. While this fact is based on Scriptural commands, it’s something that many people balk at. Christians included. The word “submission” carries a very negative connotation. I’m not entirely sure why. I guess it’s because we as Americans struggle with giving up our independence and freedom. As much as we argue against it, a lot of the things we do are rooted in selfishness in one way or another. It seems as though it just comes with the territory of living in America.
We’re very lucky to have more freedom than the rest of the world. But in a way, that freedom has negatively affected us as well. It’s made it so that we are intolerant to anything less than being able to do whatever we want. So when people hear that Christian wives are to submit to their husbands, they get all worked up.
is submitting to a boss better than submitting to your husband?
But, the one question I have is why does nobody bat an eye when women submit to male bosses everyday? It’s essentially the same thing, but nobody gets offended by it as much as they do when a wife is submitting to her husband. If you’re going to be upset about one of them, it should be the latter. Many bosses care very little about their employees. Of course there are some great ones out there, but many, especially in the corporate world, aren’t really interested in the personal well-being of each of the people who work for them.
So why is it celebrated when a woman submits to her boss (even if it isn’t called that outright), but shamed when a Christian wife submits to her husband? The Bible tells us why. The world hated Jesus, and it will hate His followers as well. Wives submitting to their husbands isn’t a natural inclination. In fact, Genesis even tells us that the opposite is natural. “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” Because of the fall, women desire to be in control, especially over their husbands. So, when a woman is obviously submitting to her husband, the world knows that she is part of a Christian marriage. And therefore, it’s only natural that the world will hate her for it. The Bible tells us it will.
the world mocks the things it hates
When the world hates something, it doesn’t just tell us. More often than not it mocks that thing and creates lies surrounding it. This whole series is born out of that fact and based on all the lies the world has fed us about Christian wives and homemakers. Because our culture can’t stand the idea of a wife submitting to her husband, it has convinced us that submission in marriage is equivalent to slavery.
However, in a truly Christian marriage with a real godly husband, that is not the case. Sadly, there are men out there who abuse their leadership role. But they are not true godly men, and therefore all Christian marriages shouldn’t be labeled as such just because of those weak men.
There is so much to unpack when it comes to submission in marriage. Because of that, I will be writing many more posts about it that are much more detailed. But for now, I’m going to keep it simple and just explain the reasons why godly submission isn’t slavery.
godly submission isn’t slavery despite what the world tells us
one /// Submission is Obedience to God
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)
We first have to recognize that submission in marriage is obedience to God. This means that it must be good. It can’t be the evil that the world says it is because God isn’t capable of doing or creating evil things. As Christians, we can’t pick and choose which pieces of Scripture we want to follow and which we want to reject. That means we can’t let the world influence us to believe that a wife submitting to her husband is not good.
One of the biggest things we have to look at when addressing this issue is the real purpose of marriage. Marriage wasn’t created for self-fulfillment, love, and happiness. That’s what the world has made it to be. But that isn’t what God originally created it for.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:31-33)
God created marriage as an earthly representation of the gospel. Wives aren’t to submit to their husbands because they are less than him. But because they represent the Church that is to submit to Christ. When a woman refuses to submit to her husband, not only is she refusing to submit to Christ. But she’s also slandering the gospel.
Of course we can’t expect the world to change their views on submission because of this point. However, this point and this point alone should be reason enough for us Christians to view submission in a positive light. If it’s not, then I suggest you make sure that you aren’t putting the world and your own desires above God’s word.
two /// Submission Doesn’t Mean You’re Mistreated
Sadly, there are men out there who have made it so that people believe that submission leads to abuse. However, that is not (and should not) be the case in a real Christian marriage with a real godly husband. Submitting to your husband doesn’t mean it gives him permission to mistreat or abuse you. It just means that he is the leader of the household. He is the one who ultimately makes big decisions and is the one who is “in charge” of the family.
Just like in any other type of unit, there is a leader. We have a leader of our country. Every business has a top boss or a CEO. The military has ranks with one man on the top.
If there were no leaders, then there would be no order. No one would be given instruction or guidance. It would just be a free for all where everyone did whatever they wanted.
But when it comes to certain groups and organizations like the ones I listed above, there has to be order because that organization is serving a unique purpose. Because of that, it has unique goals that must be met in order to fulfill its purpose in society.
The same goes for a marriage. There must be order if you want your marriage to fulfill its purpose and to be productive. Because of that, it needs to have a leader. God created men to be more rational, less affected by their emotions, and not as easily deceived as women. Therefore, husbands make better leaders than their wives. That doesn’t mean that she is of less value than he is. But that she is created for a different, yet still important, role.
A boss or higher ranked officer is expected to not abuse his leadership role. The same is true for the Christian husband. Being a good leader doesn’t involve abuse, manipulation, or mistreatment. In fact, the opposite is true as you’ll see in point number three.
three /// Submission Doesn’t Mean You’re Overlooked & Have No Say
Submitting to your husband doesn’t mean you have to follow him blindly and are never allowed to give your input. Good leaders take the input of the people they’re leading very seriously. They aren’t controlling or manipulative. They’re willing to listen and take the advice of others seriously.
One important thing to note is that being a leader doesn’t mean you are physically in charge of every little thing that goes on. In a business, the boss oversees all of the goings on in the work place. But he isn’t directly in charge of every position that his company has, or everything that his company does.
That’s why he has employees. They are in charge of the things the boss has assigned them to. If he’s a good boss, he will let them do their job without micromanaging them. Of course, he has the final say in things and his “rules” should be followed. But he doesn’t need to be directly involved or directly in charge of everything that happens in the day to day. He should trust that his employees know what they’re doing and are carrying out the mission or job that he gave them.
The same is true for a marriage.
A husband is the leader of the home. But that doesn’t mean that he needs to be directly in charge of every single thing that happens. If a husband trusts his wife, as he should, then he will trust her to be in charge of things as well. He will have faith in her to carry things out on her own in a way that moves the marriage or family in the direction he wants it to go.
Every woman has unique interests and abilities. If she is better at something or more knowledgeable about a certain subject, it only makes sense that her husband would delegate that task or that subject to her. He married her for a reason, and I would hope that part of that reason is because he respects her, trusts her, and values her knowledge. If that’s the case, there shouldn’t be an issue in allowing her to do the jobs assigned to her without micromanaging her or controlling her every move. But, just like in a business, she still has to submit to his leadership and guidance within those roles.
four /// Submission Doesn’t Mean You’re Less Important Than Your Husband
Like I briefly touched on earlier, a wife submitting to her husband doesn’t mean that she is of less value than him. It just means that they have different roles. Men and women are vastly different. God created us that way, and He created us that way for a specific purpose.
Men were given specific traits that make them great providers, protectors, and leaders. Women were given specific traits that make them great nurturers, care-takers, and life-givers. That means that men and women are different, and are drawn to different things and different roles. But that doesn’t mean that one is better than the other.
We need both in the world. Both roles are important in their own way. I’m not sure why society has placed the male roles above the female roles in order of importance. But that isn’t the case, and God never intended it to be that way.
five /// Submission Doesn’t Strip You of All Your Independence
Our society has become so spoiled when it comes to our freedoms that the thought of submission to someone else automatically sets them off. The feminist movement has pushed their agenda onto our society so hard that female independence is now the norm. With that comes the idea that a woman doesn’t need a husband. Even more, having a husband hinders her from being her own person and living the life she wants to live. When you add submission into the picture, it hinders the feminists agenda even more.
I’m here to tell you two things. First, submitting to your husband doesn’t mean you are stripped of your own personhood. You are still you and are still allowed to have your own thoughts and desires. You don’t become a minion who is no longer allowed to have fun or do your own thing every now and then.
The second thing I want to say is, are the “independent” women really that much better off? Depression, anxiety, and feeling unfulfilled is on the rise among women. However, married women, specifically religious married women with children, are the happiest demographic of women in our country. I’m not a statistician, but I’d say that shows that our society has lied to us in saying that being an independent career woman is much more fulfilling than being a young wife and mother.
in conclusion
I hope that this changed your mind at least a little bit if you were someone who has negative thoughts towards submission. Or if you’re someone who already works towards submission in your marriage, I hope this post encouraged you. I also wanted to share this podcast with you. The couple on it share great tips on Christian marriage and what it looks like to carry out submission as a wife and leadership as a husband in godly ways.
Like always, be sure to share this with someone else who you think would like it. And thank you so much for reading! 🙂
